So you've decided to move to Melbourne

(this is something I just whipped up in am email, to tease a friend who we're trying to convince to move to Melbourne from Canberra)

Congratulations on your choice of moving to what many refer to as "The World's best everything ever". In order to smooth your transition into this multi cultural melting pot that is the great City of Melbourne, the following questionnaire has been prepared to help us, help you.

Please be sure to answer all questions as it is necessary to fully profile your Melbourne experience to meet your needs

Desired Future Living Area:
(a) Central: CBD, Melbourne, North Melbourne, East Melbourne
(b) East: Richmond, Hawthorn, Camberwell
(c) South: St Kilda, Brighton, Elsternwick
(d) West: Footscray, Kensington, Williamstown
(e) North: Carlton, Fitzroy, Brunswick
(f) Non-Cool: all other locations

Originating Area:
(a) Melbourne Outer Suburbs (section (f) above)
(b) Country Victoria
(c) Other: Please don't specify, we're not that interested

Reasons for travelling to Melbourne:
(a) Always wanted to move there
(b) Work transfer, plus always wanted to move there
(c) Backpacker, plus always wanted to move there
(d) Homeless, plus always wanted to move there
(e) I've always been a heavy drinker

Marital Status
(a) Married, but looking
(b) In a relationship, but looking
(c) Single, and interested
(d) Single, and easy
(e) I've always been a heavy drinker

Please also rate the following sports on the scale provided:
Footy (the good one) - Really Great \ Great \ Good \ Willing to learn
Footy (the meathead one) - OK \ Stupid \ Pointless \ I support the All Blacks
Footy (the round ball one) - Good \ Boring \ Confusing \ I Don't watch SBS

Please also rate the following beer brands on the scale provided:
Tooheys - OK\ Poor \ Bad \ Very Bad \ Just Like Emu Bitter
Four X - Really Bad \ Very Bad \ Extremely Bad \ Never tried
Carlton - Great \ Good \ OK \ Good \ Great
Boags\Cascade - Great \ Great \ Great \ Great \ Good

Please indicate which of the following activities you are likely to participate in while in Melbourne:
Drinking Heavily - Yes \ No
Watching Footy - Yes \ No
Riding Trams - Yes \ No
Going to Fed Square - Yes \ No
Visiting the Shrine - Yes \ No
Driving up and down Chapel st - Yes \ No
Going out to clubs/bars - Yes \ No
Going down laneways to drink - Yes \ No
Eating Chinese food - Yes \ No
(please note that a 'No' answer to any of these does not automatically
preclude you from moving to Melbourne, it merely means we may need to
interview you further)